Someone’s “personality” is his or her collection of beliefs, motivations, and instincts assembled through nurture and exposure to the various concepts in society. “Identity” on the other hand is one’s moment to moment behavior which includes personal pastimes but obviously their interaction with other members of society. Interpretation of events in real time, judgement and response to the actions of others, and the personal review of these, are what we all see in “you being you”.
Somewhere and somehow, in that big frontal lobe of electricity where such actions are generated, there is a subset of these instincts that we refer to as “traits”; and there is a “CEO” in charge of them, that actually says and does what you do and are, and this is the identity. Or what so famously we call “the ego”, or “the self”. In most normal people the CEO keeps good control over the traits. It is self-reflective, witnesses appropriately instead of in a biased manner, and does so seeking the positive and pleasant results of such competent interaction. It learns from mistakes and successes and is thus functional, and valuable.
Ahem. If, however, something goes badly wrong in the nurturing process, or if there is a basic brain chemistry problem, or developmentally the “CEO” is just not somehow in charge fully, the raw electricity of “traits” take over the helm, and watch out. Because when these raw centers (anger, self-protection, narcissism, possessiveness, are examples) get thrown into control of the identity, the result of this “tail wags the dog” phenomenon is all the people you don’t like, and wish never existed.
In extreme cases we see “identity syndromes”. For a time, an identity completely unconstrained can become robotic, and service to a primate’s imitative behavior. It’s what the word “ape” means, right? So from school shooters and mass shooters, to insurrectionists and even misbehaving politicians, something has happened, and the “ego on the loose” makes headlines. As society grapples with what to do about it.
When a person is threatened socially or personally, often what you see in response are Freud’s “ego defense mechanisms”. There is “acting out”, often of “dark fantasies”. There is denial and passive aggression, at times to “complete” degrees. There is projection, the old tactic of blaming someone else for what you’re guilty of. Lies. Intellectualizations. Obfuscations. All the “trickery” of maladaptation.
So we suffer. Ultimately there are but two basic aspects in behavior: service to the self and the basic and immediate needs of the self, and the more “modern” evolutionary concept of cooperation and integration with others in a society, what we call social behavior. Increasingly, people are plain and simply thinking of themselves too much, resulting in dysfunction and disappointment. And here’s the rule of thumb: to serve the self is to gradually and unwittingly defeat the self, and lead to the eventual destruction of the self. Remember that.
I mean, did you think we were getting away with 50% divorce rates? The unintended consequences of public policy, like welfarism, the “drugs prohibition”, and lax gun laws? And chronically poor care of mental illness? The crime of some public school systems. And moms working, and an ever-encroaching anxiety-provoking society? And (GASP!) the rise of social media and misinformation? Look at what it has done to so many identities. So many egos on the loose.
When I was a resident in the ’80s, there was the general impression that we were seeing more and more behavioral disorders, and they were more severe and occurring at earlier ages. By the ’90s it was school shooting, and in the 2000s the prevalence of autism spectrum disorders (i.e., the identity syndromes). Then mass shootings in the 2010s. And most recently, the neverland of the identity, a complete loss of confidence in reality itself, disappearing into the protective and evasive denials of believing nonsense. Looking out as if something to see, in the darkness itself, a something to be, something so far away, from me.
Gloomy? Sure. So what can we do? Are the genes just broken and breaking and what we are seeing is just inexorable and unstoppable? Remember this: society pays for the sins of dear old mom and pop. So anything we can do for kids, young parents, moms (!), keeping families together, that’s where we can improve and promote solid identity development. Because, yes, it does take a village, and we all need to ask ourselves, what can we do to help in that equation. Can we expose more people to would-be mentors? Is there any policing of platforms? And my God, what are going to do about Republicans?